Princess and the Killer Seed
by Rosevine
Summary: A wacky fanfic involving the YYH character in a A/U (Alternate Universe) version of 'Princess and the Pea'. when Kurama(a kitsune princess)and the others enter Hiei's find-a-wife-competition but who will win? will they even survive?
1. A 'peaceful evening'.

Disclaimers: Despite praying every night, YYH still doesn't belong to me and never will.  
  
This is a YYH version of 'The Princess and the Pea', a funny fic, at least I hope it will be funny, it will be co-written with my friend Foxtails but I [Rosevine] will be writing this chapter so if it's rubbish you'll know why. Oh yes and gomen to yaoi lovers this is not yaoi, Kurama is a girl in this sorry. Oh and if you are wondering, I used to be Briar Rose but I had to change my name to Rosevine, there were too many Briar Roses.  
  
Thoughts  
~~ Change of scene  
A/N: author's notes.  
  
Princess and the Killer Seed.  
Chapter1-A Peaceful Dinner.  
  
"Hiei, can't you try to eat quieter, you sound like a ravenous youkai, it's not like we starve you or anything, often."  
Hiei glared at Mukuro before continuing to eat at a rapid and extremely noisy pace. Mukuro sighed. She and Yomi were trying to have a peaceful dinner, but having a son like Hiei made this next to impossible.  
"What he needs is a woman in his life, having a wife calms any youkai down."   
Mukuro's head shot up when she heard Yomi's comment." Good idea Yomi, we ought to find Hiei a wife. She would have to be beautiful, like me-"   
"No, not like you itooshi," Yomi interrupted hastily.  
Mukuro's eyes narrowed. "What are you implying Yomi, that I'm not pretty, is that it?"  
Yomi shook his head and amended nervously, "No, No, Mukuro dear, I meant that no one could be a beautiful as you..." At this Mukuro relaxed and continued her speech on what kind of bride would suit Hiei, "Maybe not a beautiful as me, but nearly will do finely. Oh yes and someone who has great ki so that when Hiei flares in a temper she won't get killed...." at this she glanced at Hiei who had finally finished his dinner and was looking at her suspiciously.  
" Are you talking about me?" demanded Hiei bluntly.  
" Hai, Hiei-chan," began Mukuro before Hiei growled at her and said, "Don't call me that, Mukuro."   
"Why not Hiei-ch...Oh alright, Hiei. Anyway we were thinking that it would do you good to have a wife to settle you down, wouldn't you like that Hiei?   
Mukuro, expecting the worst threw up a ki shield but luckily for her Hiei was too stunned to do anything. Mukuro, seeing this, immediately said, "So you approve then, that's great! Now then we'll need to hold a contest, oh this means we will have to redecorate the place and burn all the old furniture, but most importantly get an extension built for Hiei's bride..." At this Hiei snapped out of his daze and screamed, "I'M NOT HAVING SOME BAKA YOUKAI AS A WIFE AND THAT'S THE END OF IT!" At this all the servants and Yomi backed out of the room, they had seen this often enough, (A/N: well, Yomi's heard it enough since he's blind) to know that one of the famous Mukuro and Hiei fights were about to begin.  
"What do you mean your not taking a wife?" shouted a very vexed Mukuro, "I'm your Kaasan and if I say you're getting a wife then YOUR GETTING A WIFE!" At this Hiei's patience, or what little patience he had, snapped and he unbound his wards on his hand. Mukuro saw this and said in a low voice that was a good deal more frightening then her shouting, "So a fights what you want Hiei? Then you're gonna get it, but don't forget the last time you vexed me..."  
~~Flasback~~  
Hiei had refused to attend an important Makai conference meeting so...  
"GET ME OUT OF HERE! I'LL GET YOU FOR THIS MUKURO! SOME KASSAN YOU ARE LOCKING UP YOUR OWN SON WITH NO SWEET SNOW! GET ME OUT OF HERE!"  
~~End Flashback~~  
Hiei remembered but chose ignore this statement, instead he sent out his dragon while Mukuro threw up a shield, determined that Hiei would have a bride whether he wanted to or not.   
~~Meanwhile~~  
Yomi picked up the phone (A/N: does Makai even have phones?) and dialled a number,   
"Hello, Makai repair company how may I help you?"  
"Uh, hi it's me-"  
"Yomi! My valued customer, oh let me guess, Mukuro-sama and Hiei-sama again?"  
Yomi sighed, "Yes, this time Mukuro wanted Hiei to marry, can you imagine?"  
"Iie, but if that's what Mukuro wants who dares object?"  
"Yeah, I know."  
"So, what needs to be repaired this time? The bathroom, the walls or do I have to rebuild the room?"  
"I think it's gonna be the ceiling" at this point the ceiling behind Yomi came crashing down.  
"Yup, definitely the ceiling. So when can you make it?"  
"This afternoon I'm free, after fixing the Kitsune palace with the Youko princess Kurama, she's a beaut, and a deadly fighter."  
At this moment the ceiling in the next room came crashing down. Yomi sighed, "I think that was Mukuro; she mostly wins these fights."  
Then Mukuro came walking in, calmly brushing her hands on her trousers. She saw Yomi on the phone and said," Is that repair youkai?"  
Yomi promptly forgot the phone and stuttered, "Nani? Oh umm hai, it is"  
Mukuro then said, "tell him the whole dining room has to be rebuilt. Hiei lost control of his dragon and it burnt the room down."  
Yomi told the repair youko, then replied, "He said he can make this afternoon, after he goes to Kitsune palace."  
Mukuro, at hearing this perked up and almost chirped, "the one with that deadly fighting skills and looks to match princess, what's her name.... oh, yes Kurama?"  
Yomi nodded, not liking the way Mukuro was looking at him. "Hai, that's the one but why do you- oh no, you don't mean-" Mukuro ignored him as she grabbed the phone. She then shouted down the phone, "YOUKAI REPAIRMAN, YOU STILL THERE?" Yomi gingerly covered all six of his sensitive ears as best as he could with his two hands.   
" Hai, Mukuro-sama, how can I help you apart from fixing your rooms fifteen times a month?"  
"Youkai, could you please give a invitation to Kurama-sama for me?" asked Murkuro straining the please.  
  
  
  
~~~As usual a note from Foxtails~~~  
Foxtails- Sorry people but Rosevine and her muse are fighting again so me and my muse, Yume Yuriko   
Are here to end the chapter  
Yuriko-I hope this doesn't go on for too long, I don't wanna pay the medical bills again.  
Foxtails-And the repair bills.  
Yuriko-Don't remind me, please.  
Foxtails-Off to get Kurama and Hiei to sort this out, you they actually survived through the fights with a  
little cut or two and on occasion the broken arm.  
Yuriko-That just proves how much they love those two.  
Foxtails-Hey, we love them too.  
* Walk off muttering sweet nothings while looking for the two hapless bishounen to sort out the fight. * 


	2. Repairs,Suitors and Invitations.

Disclaimers: *Sigh*, why can't YYH be mine? Anyway, it's none of the characters   
in YYH belong to me, I don't get anything for writing wacky stories. Oh yes I would like to introduce my useless muse Yukimi Chiyo.  
  
Yukimi-What do you mean useless! I'm not gonna help you in the future if you insult me like that!  
  
Rosevine- you never help me anyway!  
  
Yukimi- -.-;. that's it! I'm going to give you a writer's block! *evil smirk*  
  
Rosevine- NOOOOOOOOO!  
  
Oh yes, arigato to everyone who reviewed the first chapter! and to all those who wished for the next chapter here it is! hope you like it! and i am sorry, i cannot make this yaio, i am rubbish at writing yaio stuff anyway, not that i have anything against them, i'm just rubbish at writing explicit love scenes e.t.c! you can imagine Kurama is a boy if you wish though.^_~ Also, sorry that this chapter took so long, my muse was giving me a writer's block and i had just started school again so i didn't get much time to write this. anyways, enjoy!  
  
~~ Change of scene.  
A/N: Author's notes.  
  
Princess and the Killer Seed.  
  
~~Kitsune's Palace.~~  
  
  
DING DONG!  
  
Princess Kurama,the great beauty with her jet green eyes and lush, red hair (A/N: Kurama is in his/her human form because it looks more feminine. So for the purpose of this fic, her human form is also a fox Youko,just without the ears and tail and silver hair.) daintily rose from her seat and went to open the door.   
  
On the doorstep was the repair man that came every week to mend any aftermath of perverted suitors who thought Kurama was easy prey, that soon found they were very wrong.  
  
"Hello youko-san, i'm every so sorry for causing you bother with all the   
mending." said the Princess sincerely.  
  
'No problem Kurama-sama, you give me the most business, after Mukuro-sama and Hiei-sama.' the Youko gave a nervous grin, hoping that he wouldn't lose a valuable customer with what he had to say next.  
  
"Who are they?" asked Kurama with interest, wishing to know someone who   
could do more damage then her.  
  
"Oh they live in the castle over there," the youko pointed to the looming building at the edge of the forest which surrounded the Kitsune palace.  
  
"Mukuro-sama is the mistress of the castle, along with her blind husband, Yomi. They have a son called Hiei, he is a great fighter with his Joau ensatsu kokuryuuha. he is currently inside a-  
  
~~Flashback~~  
Mukuro-oh yes, Hiei is in the top security dungeon, the one with many wards and chains. Hiei should be out of there in 5 days, so we have to hurry with the preparations. You are NOT to tell Kurama-san about this, or i will   
personally see to it you are fed to the hungry youko village in the east, i don't want to give the princess the impression that i am evil do I? *manic grin that the youko could sense over the phone*  
~~End flashback~~  
  
"Inside a what, youko-sama?" Princess Kurama's delicate voice broke into the   
youkai's chan of thought.   
  
"Ur, it's not important. Anyway, Mukuro, se is a very powerful lady, and   
noone wishes to refuse her, least of all me so it's not my fault that i have   
to pas on the message, don't get angry-"  
  
Kurama looked at the babbling youkai with puzzlement and said," What message?   
Tell me onegai, i won't get mad, i promise."   
The youkai semmed to relax a little at the reassurance that Kurama wouldn't get angry.He cleared his throat and said in a reserved-for-special-occasions-only voice,  
  
"Mukuro-sama believes that her son and heir-to-be Hiei-sama should marry a powerful, beautiful and wise demon, therefore she has decided to hold a contest to find the perfect bride for her son, this contest will pick out the perfect wife for Hiei-sama, and she has heard of your powers and beauty-"  
  
"So she wishes for me to participate in this contest of hers." Kurama finished for him quietly.  
  
"Well, yes as a matter of fact." said the youko cautiously, Kurama-san didn't seem very angry but you can never tell with the beautiful plant-wielder.  
  
Kurama became lost in thought for a few minutes,   
  
The Youko repair man froze while Kurama became lost in thought, all the while praying feverisly that he will be able to live through this.   
  
Finally Kurama spoke gently, "arigato Youko-san, i will accept this contest, when is it on?"  
  
The Youko gave a inward sigh of relief before saying "it's on in a two day's time and it will go on for three days, you don't need to bring any resents or gifts just yourself and your weapons..."   
  
Kurama laughed quietly,"that's very light luggage, my weapons are on me now" she indicated to her hair. "Now Youko-san, follow me to the dining room, i think it needs to be rebuilt..." 


	3. Sleeping Pills and Maidens.

Disclaimer:YYH doesn't...* sob * belong to me * sob * and *sob * never will. I hate writing that bit, anyway onto the fic!  
  
Dedicated to Nat who is currently writing 'The Talk Show to end all Talkshows' because she made me and Foxtails her co hosts! Well for three episodes anyway. I'm so honoured! Plus she gave me two mad squirrels! And because I took so long , this is an extra long chapter just to make up! So here it is enjoy!  
  
The Princess and the killer seed- Sleeping pills and maidens.  
  
~~~Mukuro's Palace~~~  
In Mukuro's palace, it was havoc. Yomi sighed and once again tried to cover again unsuccessfully to cover his six sensitive ears with his hands. Suddenly Murkuro burst into the room and said,  
"Everything's perfect! The room's redecorated, the traps laid out and the stage is set up, ready for tomorrow."  
Yomi smiled weakly before saying,   
"That's great dear. Have you fed Hiei today?"  
Mukuro thought for a while before saying,   
"I think so. He's breaking those chains and walls faster than I thought, I think I'll have to drug him for abit."  
And with that Mukuro went to the potions room to obtain some of the most powerful sleeping pills she could get. Yomi sighed again and wished feverishly that the contest would finish soon so he could get some peace and quiet.  
  
~~~Meanwhile...~~~  
Hiei crashed through another iron wall and killed half a dozen youkai in the process. Still mumbling about curses under his breath, he walked cautiously through the dungeon. He had already crashed through 101 iron walls, killed 978 youkai, and sliced 1098 wards and chains yet he still couldn't find a way out!  
"Mukuro no Baka!"  
He cried and dodged another speeding arrow. Suddenly, out of the corner of his eye, he spotted...sweet snow! He incinerated the rest of the arrows with his ki before rushing over to claim his sweet snow. As he ate it (A/N: Strawberry, one of my favourites.) a brief thought of suspicion crossed his mind but he was hungry, and anyway he'd already finished the sweet snow.(A/N: So Hiei can eat at the speed of thought.) it was already too late.  
"Ku'so!" He mumbled before falling asleep.  
  
~~~ A day later ~~~  
  
Yomi and Mukuro sat at their thrones excitedly.(A/N: Well Mukuro was excited, Yomi was just pretending so Mukuro wouldn't kill him.) waiting for the arrival of the contestants. Mukuro sent out invitations to the length and breath of all three worlds and no they were about to arrive.  
  
The herald youkai started a fanfare and announced,  
"Lady Keiko from ningenkai whose slaps can defeat countless!"  
Lady Keiko walked in wearing a silk brown skirt and a blue top. Yomi sensed her arrival and said quietly to Mukuro,  
"Isn't that Yusuke's wife? And she's a ningen."  
"So? I don't mind and I'm not prejudiced against ningens."  
Yomi sweatdropped and instead asked Keiko,  
"What about Yusuke?"  
Keiko snorted and said,  
"We had a fight. You don't mind if I use this contest to make him apologise do you?"  
Yomi was about to reply when Mukuro butted in,  
"Of course dear! And if you win I'm sure Hiei won't mind sharing with Yusuke!" (A/N: He won't?)  
Keiko smiled and sat down at the LONG table. (A/N: Specially made for the contest, the repair youko had his work cut out making the room big enough to fit it.) Next, the herald cried,   
"Princess Botan! Her oar can be her deadliest weapon!"  
Botan chirped,  
"Ohayo, Mukuro-sama, Yomi-Sama!"  
Mukuro greeted her when...  
"STOP!" Yelled Koenma storming in.  
"You can't do this!"  
Yomi winced as the sound sent all six of his ears throbbing.  
"Owww" he mumbled.  
"And why not?" Asked Mukuro in her this-had-better-be-a-good-reason-or-else-you-will-die voice. Koenma gulped...  
"Because...I'M in love with her!"  
"Damn," Muttered Mukuro as she watched Koenma profess his undying love to Botan.  
"Oh well, Bye!"  
Said botan brightly as she hitched onto Koenma's arm and dragged him out of the hall.  
"Ahem," coughed the herald.  
"Princess Yukina who's healing powers are known throughout the land!"  
The gentle looking little koorime came in.  
"Um, Mukuro, sweetheart?"   
asked Yomi.  
"What?!"   
Snapped Mukuro impatiently.  
"Do you think she can stand up to Hiei's temper?"  
he asked.  
"I'm sure she can heal herself."  
"But hasn't she got a ningen admirer?"  
"Really? Who?" asked Mukuro ready to kill whoever it was and make the koorime free.   
"Kuwabara."  
Said Yomi VERY quietly hoping she wouldn't hear. But Mukuro has very good ears with Yomi for a husband.  
"WHAT!?"   
She screamed aloud as everyone stared and Yomi started to search for his earplugs.  
"She's been with Kuwabara?"   
Everyone watched Mukuro raving while unconsciously backing away...  
"She's been made unpure, by-by that, that TOAD!"  
Right on cue Kuwabara stormed in and carried the confused looking koorime out of the room. Mukuro sat down in a downright huff before motioning for the herald to continue.  
"N-next-"   
stuttered the herald.  
"Get on with it, you're disposable y'know..."  
Mukuro snapped. The herald immediately stood to attention.  
"Next up Princess Karasu! Whose bombs will blow your brains out! Literally!"  
Karasu stormed in black hair gleaming in the sun...  
  
(A/N: Rosevine-NANI? I wrote that?  
Karasu- * shrugs * So I influenced you into writing tat, so what?  
Rosevine- * whacks him on the head with a mallet * NO ON INFLUENCES ME AND ESPECIALLY NOT YOU!  
Karasu- Owww...  
Rosevine- * Death glare * Hn, now get back into the fic.  
Karasu- Hai...)  
  
Even Mukuro couldn't help shuddering inwardly at the manic gleam in Karasu's eyes. Yomi, being blind, sensed the psychotic waves coming from Karasu, whimpered.  
  
(Yukimi *my muse *-psychotic waves?  
Rosevine-Well, she is a crazy, sadistic demon.... Anyways it's my fic, I write what I like!)  
  
After another thousand princesses came in, the last two were arriving.  
(A/N: well I'm NOT going to write another thousand princesses in that are no use to this fic!)  
'Next up...Princess Hyaku! Evil you've never seen before!' announced the tired Herald.  
Hayaku came in looking eerily calm, clad in black with black, and looked around with obsidian eyes, putting everyone on edge. She smiled slowly at Mukuro before sitting down in her seat.  
  
' And finally we have Princess Kurama! The beautiful leader of all kitsunes with the ability of controlling plants!'   
  
The jet green eyed and flame red haired princess came gliding into the room with a captivating smile. It at once captivated every male youkai in the room ( A/N: that could see as yomi is blind...) sand they all started drooling...  
Before their girlfriends wapped them over the head with mallets.  
  
Yukimi-what's wapped? O.0'  
Rosevine- *shrugs * I have no idea, Foxtails told me to write the word in.  
Foxtails-*puppy eyes* you don't like it? *Her bottom lip starts to quiver*  
Rosevine- ^_^'''''''' of course we do! It totally fablickious!  
Foxtails-fablickious?!  
Rosevine-new word dear.  
Muses Yukimi and Yuriko- 0.o''''''''''  
  
Princess Kurama smiled gently and swept a neat curtsey before Mukuro and Yomi.  
"Konnichiwa Mukuro-sama, Yomi-sama. I'm so glad to meet you!"  
She said with her honey like voice. Now Yomi, after hearing Kurama's heavenly voice with all of his six ears swooned until Mukuro gave him a famous swoon-again-and-you-will-die-a-most-gruesome-death look which immediately made Yomi bolt straight up.  
  
Yomi nervously cleared his throat (A/N: Mukuro was still giving him dagger ki looks) and when Kurama was seated he announced that the first test to become Hiei's bride would begin tomorrow and tonight they should prepare their weapons and catch some beauty sleep.  
  
Mukuro too, stood up and added,  
' My son Hiei...will not be joining us at the moment as he is... having technical difficulties however I would like to warn you that he has..Very HIGH spirits so anyone who doesn't posses a very, VERY strong Ki should advisedly leave and join another contest. I will not be held responsible for any pain, suffering, insults, casualties or death.'  
(A/N: is it just me or does Mukuro sound suspiciously like a lawyer?)  
  
At this many weak looking princesses turned pale and mumbled vague excuses like,  
' I forgot I'm already married!'  
'Ummm....why am I here? I must be sleepwalking!'  
'Got things to do now...sorry'  
'I'm late for my..tooth fairy appointment!'  
before fleeing with their lives intact.  
  
By now, the princesses present had been shortened to 678 princesses, so the all went gracefully to their chambers to sharpen knives, plot tactics and generally think of every way to win tomorrow's 'Tournament of the Maidens'...  
  
  
Finally, fini! Hope you liked this chapter minna-san I took a lot of time over it (during boring lessons ^^)   
Yukimi-is it just me or did you describe Kurama very VERY minutely?  
Rosevine-*shrugs* so? I love him even if he's a girl in this, so I can describe him to my heart's content MWAHAHA!  
Yukimi-o.0'  
Rosevine-anyways, review this plez!! And if Yomi was over-cowardly, he was meant to, if my comedy wasn't funny at all then sorry, if you liked this fic at all then plez review!! Oh yeah, I aplologise to all those who hate Botan/Koenma pairing and Yukina/Kuwabara pairings, also in case your puzzled, Yukimi is unfortunatly my muse and Yuriko is Foxtails' muse.   
Yukimi & Yuriko-WHAT DO YOU MEAN UNFORTUNATLY?!  
Rosevine & Foxtails-*gulps* 


End file.
